Have you ever had the experience where you accidentally answer your own question, or realize you should take your own advice? It's a very humbling moment, even if it turns out you were right all along. It's a funny thing, life. Throws you weird curveballs.
Today is Sunday, so I was emailing Brent, my long-time friend. He's currently serving in Brazil, a part of the Recife mission. I think he expected a lot of success when he arrived, perhaps due to some misleading information he received at the MTC. You can't blame the teachers there, though. I think if they build out things to look like failure (which I think plays a big role in the reality of things), missionaries would be discouraged, and that doesn't help them to be better servants to the Lord. At any rate, all of emails, and I mean ALL of his emails, are complaining. He's not unjustified, either. He's been sunburned, eaten alive by mosquitoes, ditched by his companions, infuriated by the Brazilian people, rejected at least once every single day, and just generally experienced major disappointment. I think I would be a very unhappy missionary in his position, too. Unfortunately, reading his emails has hardened my heart as well. Instead of focusing on the great joy of missionary work, I'm always thinking about the very worst that could happen. This occurs a small time after I read his email for the week on Monday. Now who wants to start their week off like that? Not me. I have enough negativity and cynicism to deal with on my own, thank you very much. I'm not blaming Brent. Who would? It really sounds like life sucks for him. But I'm susceptible to that angry, complaining spirit, and I don't want it to influence me.
Lately, I've been pretty miserable. I don't think that many people know, and I know no one could understand if they did know. But that's not the point. I don't want to be miserable! Heavens no. You only drag yourself and other people down to the devil with that kind of attitude. Besides, I have a lot to be grateful about.
Anyway. I decided I was going to let Brent have it, in a sense. I didn't want to strip him down or anything, but I think he needs to forget himself and go to work. I know it won't be easy, but that was the advice President Hinckley needed on his mission, and if it worked for a prophet of the Lord, it can work for anyone. Basically, I told Brent about my former roommate Glaucia. Sometimes Glaucia would drive me (and my other roommates, for that matter) a bit crazy, and I know part of it was just cultural differences. It was an interesting experience to live with someone foreign, especially since she was much older than the rest of us. I didn't realize how much it would affect our relationship. I've been fortunate to have travelled a lot in my lifetime, and I've never met a people I downright disliked because of their culture. That being said, Glaucia was hard to live with. For me. I will try to speak only for myself. She was lovely in every way, but that didn't mean she did things I appreciated all the time. At any rate, she had the Gospel in her life, and I could see how it had changed her. She even said, pretty directly, might I add, that she "liked incorrect things", but did the correct things for the Lord. She probably didn't mean to bear a testimony at that moment, but my testimony was strengthened all the same. Glacuia is the product (for lack of a better word) of successful missionary work. She spent a lot of time with the elders who introduced the Gospel in her life, and I know it must have been somewhat of a sacrifice, because I think she probably would have preferred to be spending time with people her own age, partying. Glaucia was a party girl. :) But you could see how important the Gospel was in her life because of eagerness to spend time with these men, in addition to the fact that she attended church regularly, wore temple garments, tried her best to make the right decisions, and even played a role in the reactivating of another of our roommates, Sam. This is what missionary work is all about. Brent hasn't had a single baptism yet, which I know is painful for him as he works hard, but the people in Brazil are still getting the chance to hear the Gospel through him. Brent is accomplishing the Lord's work by being out there, every day, even if he hasn't tasted of the fruits of direct success yet. I told him all this, adding in that I knew he already knew what I was saying (this seems to be his response to a lot of what I say), but that I was certain he had the capability to make more of himself out there.
I hope I wasn't too harsh. After all, I'm not on a mission, and I haven't served even a little bit of mine yet, so I guess he could say, what do you know? Well, I do know that Christ is my Savior, and He's taking care of you just as well as He's taking care of me, which is pretty darn well, if you might ask. Anyway. I ended up learning a lot as I typed those things out to him. I'm supposed to have the same attitude!! *lightbulb*
See, I've been super lonely here at home, and it's been a long time since I've felt satisfied with myself and what I'm doing here. It's not that those things aren't important, but there's more important things I need to focus on, just like Brent. We're at different stages in life, but I can still benefit from the advice I've given him, the advice I myself ought to take. It's strange, knowing I can lecture myself.
Well, here comes the hard part: actually enacting what I know to be true. It's weird knowing exactly what I should do and yet still not wanting to do it. Curse you, natural man! You are an enemy to God, and I would do well to rid myself of you.
Thanks for the support. I know no one reads this, but I also know people are supporting me. Perhaps no one besides my family is supporting me directly, but by supporting missionary work in general and sharing your testimony with others, you are supporting me. And you know, you deserve to be thanked for that.
I have a grateful heart, and I am willing to be the best Kristin there ever was this week.
I hope you all have a meaningful week as well, where you improve on yourself, and build your relationship with the Lord Almighty. Isn't He amazing? Divine, really. :)
I love you, I love my Lord, I love my family, and I especially love my call to serve the people of Ukraine. February 23rd, baby. It ain't far.
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