The CRUNCH

Everybody say, "Nom Nom Nom"! 'cause here we are in the crunch time before a mission.

I find it amusing that my mission experience thus far as been so very typical. When I had my mission doctor's exam, they found a weird syndrome that no one knew about (everyone, it seems, has some unforeseen medical problem); it took a MONTH after my papers were finished to have them sent in and processed, thanks to some communication issues (heard of this one before?); I never would have foreseen going to somewhere as random and wonderful as Ukraine (not Peru? Whaaa?); my visa papers were ridiculously delayed and incorrect (why is this process smooth for no one? Why don't they fix the system already?); none of the mission-style clothes would fit me (sigh); I dreaded my farewell talk almost more than leaving (it was terrifying, but fine); I'm fighting a lot more now with my mom, and everything is happening at the last minute (I was hoping to avoid this one after I heard about it, but alas); I'm arriving to the MTC late...

Well. Trying to be positive. I have to remind myself as all of this cortisone and adrenaline builds up in my body that this is supposed to be a great thing, the greatest thing in my life so far...

It doesn't feel much like it.

Again, I'm starting to get very, very bogged down by all the stress of all this. I don't like it all, and I wish I could do some of this stuff on my own, but it's not going to happen that way. Haha. My dad told my mom she needed to stop being such a control freak. I feel a little bit like he's right, but I wish he hadn't said it, because now my parents are arguing, and the sound just kills the pre-stressed mind. He also said to me this morning, "I kind of just want you to leave. I want this to be over with. I want you to be coming back sooner."

The good-bye, pre-mission stuff is starting to drive us all crazy, I think.

Yeah, I feel the same way. Everything is building up, and building up, and building up...
to what, I wonder? I wish I knew, but I guess I'm glad I don't. It's good to be surprised sometimes by the future, and there's no way I could know what to expect.

I need this, I need that, but I can't have this, and no, we already have that.
I HATE shopping, ok? Any kind of shopping. Besides grocery shopping, maybe, which I don't get to do for another 11 weeks and which I haven't gotten to do in a similar amount of time. *pouts*

At least I went on a run today. I never noticed how important it is for me to exercise if I want to be happy. It's not like my happiness depends on my exercise for the day, fortunately, but there's a good reason it's included in the Word of Wisdom. When I don't get in any kind of physical activity, I don't feel good, and when I don't feel good, it's harder to feel the spirit.

Not exercising leads to worse things, like not praying and not reading your scriptures enough. I highly recommend you exercise, read, and pray. Satan is lurking in the shadows, waiting for you to slip up. Once, just once, is all he needs. My highs and my lows are exaggerated, and I realized that now, when I should've been taking that into account the whole time. If I have a great day, full of the spirit and joy, I'm going to have to work ten times harder if I want the same thing the next day. Oftentimes, I don't. I'm too lazy, too tired, or otherwise unmotivated. Then Satan comes crashing down, and I have to spend too much of my time recovering, when I could've been progressing and enjoying that same time.

Anyway.

Mostly I've been pretty sad. I have too much time to think, which is always a dangerous thing in my case. I keep thinking about everything I have to miss... all the quote wall moments, weddings, relationships, Harry Potter...

it feels like an awful lot to give up sometimes. It's worth it, though. Right? Isn't it?
I'm not good enough for this. I'm going to fail somehow, and I feel so much pressure on me right now. I can't hold up like this. All right. I'll stop. Just wish me luck for next 6 days. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. Yikes!!